By corporate environment I’m talking about the sort of place where everyone has to take part in enforced group ‘fun’ activities such as - Australia Day (where everyone has to adopt reductive stereotype dress codes such as wearing hats with corks) or play Human Hungry Hippos (where self respecting adults are forced to debase themselves by being wheeled about on office chairs)... The sort of place where any form of genuine fun is frowned upon - where the real game being played is one called Mind Control. I assure you, these are real horrors that are happening behind closed doors every day. At the heart of this dreadful culture sit personality tests which seek to reduce the entirety of something as profoundly intricate, complex, fluid and beautiful as human psychology into four types… That’s four… shitting… types…of psychology. There are more flavours of jelly babies. Real businesses are actually run along these lines employing this view of the human mind. Human psychology - about which Shakespeare’s Hamlet opined: “What a piece of work is man, How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, In form and moving how express and admirable, In action how like an Angel, In apprehension how like a god, The beauty of the world, The paragon of animals.” Human psychology - a fascinating mystery that mankind has been seeking to understand for thousands of years, from ancient philosophers to modern day psychotherapists. It’s a subject that has captivated our greatest artists and scientists. But all for naught apparently - they should have listened to Dr Taylor Hartman who claims to be a psychologist (and also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) who is the author of a hugely influential Colour Code Personality Profile which is widely used throughout the business world. By subjecting employees to a simple 45 question test (who knew it was so simple?) a regional sales manager can confidently assess the entire motivation, emotional drivers and limitations of each individual member of his team - by labelling them either Red, Blue, White or Yellow. So we have Reds - the power wielders. They are awash with logic, vision and determination. They are action orientated, confident and decisive. (These are clearly the best ones … and every marketing team leader who buys into this steaming horse shit will claim to be a red. Without exception.) Next we have Blues - who thrive on relationships and willingly sacrifice personal gain. They are perfectionists but as such they also tend to be worriers. They are loyal and bring culture and dependency to society and home. (In other words, these are Dr Hartman’s vision for what an ideal Stepford wife might be like. Which is why, in his series of creepy instructional videos on YouTube, he introduces his wife as a blue personality) Then we meet the Whites - motivated by peace, they will do anything to avoid confrontation and are devoid of ego. They are unwilling to set goals. (These are the worker drones - ideal for any call centre or other mindless work environment where they can be exploited.) Then there are the Yellows - motivated by fun, known for being spontaneous and yet self- centered. They have lots of friends. They may have difficulties getting down to business. (in other words these are dangerous free thinkers who are not sufficiently interested in becoming employee of the week and need to be reigned in by their joyless Red overseers). And that’s it… that is all we are… sorry ‘bout that Shakespeare, Freud, Socrates and Decartes. Find out what type of cardboard cut out human you are at www.colorcode.com