Search

The News Elephant

The News Elephant

Covid-19 accused of lacking professional courtesy after attacking Giuliani

"You can't say anything nowadays without offending snowflakes," says man deeply offended by The Vicar of Dibley

Number 10 bulk buys Lipstick and holds urgent Swine-Grooming workshops ahead of Rumoured Brexit Deal announcement

No end to nation's shock and bewilderment after Millwall fans boo and jeer players supporting BLM

The News Elephant

Trump tells America: If I can't have you, nobody can

The News Elephant

Prince William disappointed to learn Royal Train used in key worker tour isn’t a magical locomotive driven by Tom Hanks

The News Elephant

Humans start their month long dead tree worshipping ceremony

The News Elephant

Mum has breakdown after exhausting universe's supply of ideas for where to put Elf on the fucking Shelf

The News Elephant

Absolute last minute Brexit deal on table for fiftieth time

Kevin the Carrot questioned over disappearance of millions of vegetables

Police release terrified metaphors from Professor Jonathan Van-Tam's cellar after tip-off

Scotland so hard-arse even its snow comes with thunder

The News Elephant

UK relieved to learn it's a “better country” than all the others meaning Gavin Williamson can no longer be in charge of anything

The News Elephant

Sir Philip Green orders Arcadia shops demolished and replaced by 100ft statues of him mooning passers-by

The News Elephant

Adulterous politicians' lives in chaos over 'one household' rules

The News Elephant

Matt Hancock claims England’s 1966 World Cup win is also entirely down to Brexit