When he’s not running around the track, he’s chowing down on Quorn - he’s absolutely obsessed with the stuff. But what on God’s green Earth is Quorn? Well, the worrying truth is that no one really knows, not even the guys at Quorn marketing HQ - as is made clear by the following explanation on the company’s website under the heading ‘What is Quorn?” 
“Quorn is a brand dedicated to helping you make and create an inspiring range of irresistibly tasty meals. Built on our belief in Sustainable Nutrition™ and a vision to make food that’s better for us and better for the planet.” See what I mean? Not a bloody clue. And if they don’t know, how are we supposed to know? So apparently Quorn is a brand… an edible brand. As luck might have it, my colleague happened to be eating a Quorn-based sausage roll and offered me a chunk to help me with my research. Lifting aside the pastry outer coating, I gingerly prodded at the beige matter with the business end of my biro - there were no signs of life. I then proceeded to take a careful nibble - it certainly didn’t taste like a brand - it tasted a bit like a sort of meaty nothing.. A sort of nothingy stuff. Or maybe a kind of protein-ish thing. It wasn’t bad. Or good. It just was. It’s probably the most zen-like food I’ve ever had. Further research reveals that Quorn scientists take fungus from the soil and ferment it to produce a dough - so essentially Quorn is a ball of rotten fungus - I don’t know why they just didn’t just say that instead of whiffling on about branding. It’s also probably why I don’t work in marketing. They’ve called the fungus used in Quorn ‘Mycoprotein™’ which sounds all science-ish and clean. And the great thing is, because it is so bland, you can cook a pretend version of almost any meat based dish with it. It’s like the tribute act of food - churning out all your favourites which are not as good as the real thing.
