by Kit Chentable
BASSETT Rivers Secondary School has caused outrage after announcing that it would be sacking all of its teachers and replacing the curriculum with a bumper book of sudoku.
The announcement was made on Friday at a shocked school assembly.
Principal Ed Ucate said: “It’s a simple idea that will save the entirety of the school budget paying for much needed repair work to my office and my latest wage hike that aligns my salary with that of Amazon chief Jeff Bezos which is something I have been lobbying for quite strongly.
“I got the idea for using sudoku after picking a bumper book up at a petrol station during a walking holiday in Wales. As our walking had been rained off we went through the book solidly for three days and we found it invigorating, fun and educational – everything that school should be!
“It was then that I had my eureka moment of replacing the entire school curriculum with the Bumper Book of Sudoku.
“It’s good for maths and problem solving. It’s a book so that covers English literature. Geography is now pointless because of GPS and history is… well history and even more pointless, languages don’t matter because we’re closing all the borders and physical education is still covered as it exercises your brain.
“This book covers the entire curriculum and means I was able to sack every member of the teaching faculty which has saved thousands enabling my inflated salary.”
The change will be introduced as soon as Yodel delivers the 600 books currently being dispatched and expected to arrive between 12pm and 3pm on Tuesday with instructions to leave them with a neighbour if nobody is in.
Chair of the PTA Ted Talk said: “We are outraged by this change in the school curriculum and have put our complaint into the DfE especially after our suggestion of using the 1989 Smash Hits annual instead was completely ignored despite containing an insightful interview with Jason Donovan.”