F.A.K.E NEWS: Snowflakes to force soldiers to carry flowers and not guns

0
196

It’s political correctness gone mad!

BRITISH soldiers could have their weapons replaced with flowers according to a loony new report by a left-leaning Government Defence department think tank.

Under the proposals soldiers would be kitted out with flower baskets and trained in the use of ground to air chrysanthemums.

A spokesman said: “We just had a brainwave one day that guns could be seen as an offensive weapon by some and in worst case scenarios could actually lead to someone getting shot. 

“It was a real health and safety concern especially since some of our soldiers were actually being trained into how use these ‘weapons’.

“Under the proposal we would like to see all of the weapons replaced at a fraction of the cost by different flowers. Grenades would be replaced by confetti and all explosive ordinance will be replaced by nicely scented bath bombs.”

Parliament is due to decide on the new proposals next month but the idea has already stirred up a lot of criticism.

Backbencher Giles Hetherington-Smythe (Con) said: “This is such a ridiculous idea that I feel forced to speak in capital letters so that’s what I will do.

“HOW CAN WE BE EXPECTED AS A NATION TO DEFEND OURSELVES IF WE DON’T HAVE ANY WEAPONS?

“DO WE JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT THE ENEMY MIGHT JUST HAVE HAY FEVER AND WILL GET A RUNNY NOSE IMPAIRING THEIR ABILITY TO SHOOT US WITH REAL BULLETS WHILST WE POINT A DAISY AT THEM?”

LEAVE A REPLY