The News Elephant
One Direction fan finally returns home after circumnavigating the globe having popped to the shops

By Kit Chentable

One Direction fan Sly Tlyobsessed has finally returned to his Rotherham home from popping to the shops - a trip that took him five and a half years.

The superfan has now spoken of his shock having found out that the band has since been on hiatus since 2015.

The One Direction aficionado’s trip to the shops was delayed after he was captured by a local warlord in the Democratic Republic of Congo where he managed to survive by repeatedly singing all the words to ‘Story of My Life’.

He said: “It is a bit bizarre. I only popped to the shops to grab some Weetabix and by the time I returned I’ve found out that Zayn has left the band and Harry had to flee France after a Nazi invasion.

“I’m not too happy, I can tell you. But at least I can now listen to all of their solo efforts. I’ve been particulalry impressed by Harry Styles’ solo albums so far.”

Mr Tlyobsessed, 35, is not the only member of his family who is a superfan. 

He said: “My mum was a massive Another Level fan but she’s now been stuck in a lift in Debenhams at the Meadowhall Centre in Rotherham since 1999. I’ve only seen her periodically during the past few years if the doors happen to open when I’m on the right floor. It’s made Christmas slightly complicated.

“My dad was really into Go West but no-one’s seen him since 1989. I don’t really remember him.

“Now that I’m back at home I’m looking forward to settling down and having a nice cup of tea. I just need to pop out to get some milk first.”