By Livi Ngroom
NEW plans have been unveiled for a new national attraction in Bassett Rivers called Brexitland.
The new theme park will be located in Lower Prospects just by the junction of Doing It The Hard Way and Closed Off Close.
The multi-million pound idea is the brainchild of Bazza ‘Knuckles’ LittleEnglander and came after he had found he had run out of space to put out his 50th St George’s Cross flag in his front garden.
In captial letters he said: “I’M BRITISH AND I’M PROUD. WE DIDN’T WIN TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP TO CELEBRATE OUR BRITISHNESS WITHOUT A THEME PARK.
“I GOT THE IDEA AFTER I FOUND I HAD NO ROOM LEFT ON MY FRONT LAWN TO PUT UP ANY MORE FLAGS SO I THOUGHT I WOULD BUILD A THEME PARK WHERE WE CAN CELEBRATE ALL IT MEANS TO BE BRITISH EVERY DAY.
“I’VE ASKED THE GOVERNMENT TO PAY FOR IT USING THE £350 MILLION A WEEK THEY WILL SAVE BY NOT HAVING TO PAY LOADS OF DOSH OVER TO THE EU ANY MORE.
“OBVIOUSLY I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HIRE A LOAD OF FOREIGN WORKERS TO BUILD IT AND WORK THERE AS NO SELF-RESPECTING BRITISH PERSON WOULD WORK FOR THE PITTANCE I PLAN TO PAY THE STAFF.”
The new theme park will have rides such as the Soft Brexit Soft Play Area and the Hard Brexit Rollercoaster which literally ends by going off a cliff edge.
Other attractions will include ‘The Slightly Racist Ghost Train’, ‘Boris Johnson’s Brexit Fun Bus’, the ‘We don’t Need no EU Farm Subsidies’ Petting Zoo, the ‘No Immigrants Log Flume’ and ‘Nigel Farage’s St George’s Cross Facepainting Extravaganza’.
Mr LittleEnglander added: “OBVIOUSLY I HAVEN’T REALLY PLANNED IT OUT PROPERLY AS THAT WOULD GO AGAINST THE WHOLE ETHOS OF BREXIT AND IF IT DID GET THE GO AHEAD I PROBABLY WON’T STICK AROUND AND SOMEONE ELSE WILL HAVE TO GET IT BUILT.”