Mass protests as supermarket starts selling pink shirts for men


by Kit Chentable

POLICE were called to a riot outside of Bassett Rivers’ Costalot Supermarket last night after a peaceful protest against a peaceful protest turned ugly.

The protest was organised in protest against a protest that was organised to protest against the supermarket selling pink shirts for men.

Protesters against the pink shirt protest marched at just before 1pm from Greggs two doors down to the supermarket where a protest was going on against the pink shirts for men being sold at the supermarket.

The two opposing peaceful protests then protested at each other for a bit until a third protest organised against protests in general showed up and fights broke out.

Supermarket manager Summer Field said: “It just seemed to get uglier and uglier until somehow it spread into the supermarket itself where there were fist fights in the frozen produce aisle without anyone even mentioning the fact that you can now buy two packets of McCain Oven Chips and get a third free.

“This is a startlingly good offer and I would recommend anyone to come down and grab them whilst they can. Obviously come down once the supermarket has been rebuilt it having burnt to the ground in the riot.”

Tess Armchair Clarke, of People Against Pink Shirts (PAPS), said: “It was meant to be a peaceful protest against the supermarket selling pink shirts for men. I just think pink is such an ugly colour and much prefer turquoise and that’s what I organised the protest about. It wasn’t about me being sexist saying that boys should wear blue and that girls should wear pink as the people from the Protest Against People Against Pink Shirts (PAPAPS) have been making out. It’s just an ugly colour. I wouldn’t even dress my pet tortoiseshell tortoise in them and he’s now dead and just a tortoise shell now so that’s how serious I am.

“No-one protested against my protest against Bounty Bars in Boxes of Celebrations (BBBC) last month but that’s because people really don’t like Bountys but they must really love pink shirts on men for this to get out of hand.”

The riots caused £353 million worth of damage with the resulting fires burning down half the buildings in Bassett Rivers as well as a park bench.