Web developers, including those instrumental with the creation of the internet and World Wide Web have voted unanimously to return the internet to a pre-2004 state.
The change was prompted after those who had grown up with the internet commented that it had been gradually declining both in intellectual and cultural content since the advent of social media services like Facebook and Twitter.
Doug Wanderfinger, a web surfer since 1998 elaborated:
“The internet was once an innocent place to watch quirky flash animations and talk about Stark Trek on clunky forums operated from a virgin’s bedroom. It was a virtual space for outcasts, oddballs and social recluses to converge and share Geocities websites festooned with tacky GIF animations and fan fiction.
Now it’s full of people moaning about lease costs on the Skoda Consumer Care Facebook page and gullible idiots sharing fake news or social experiment videos made by narcissistic gym bunnies with backward baseball caps, just like the kind of people who used to pick on us at school.”
Mandy Moore, another nostalgic surfer added: “All the popular kids have found our hiding space and turned it to shit like everything else they touch. Now I’m forced to look at pictures from whatever trendy holiday destination their parents paid to send them to or what kale-related detox bollocks is giving their farts that smell they seem to like so much.”
After the vote, Tim Berners-Lee, inventor of the World Wide Web made the following statement:
“Sorry guys, I didn’t see this coming. If it isn’t the NSA trying to stick their noses into everyone’s business on the web, its hipsters and preppy kids gentrifying all the good bits and turning it into a promotional tool for their own facile, meaningless lives. If even one of these no-good posers had the slightest idea of how layer 3 routing protocols or packet switching worked, it would blow their tiny, hollow minds.
In light of this, we have decided to run an information sharing service parallel to the regular internet called Web 2004 which will have all the good bits of the internet, like Newgrounds, Napster and Myspace, maybe even Facebook, but before your dad joined and started waffling about politics.”