In Gove we trust… – “Why would we need experts when we have Mr Gove?”

0
228
Ocelot editor, Jamie Hill

On the third of June 2016, all of our worlds changed in one instant.

Like the moon landings or the Twin Towers, we all remember where we were when it happened.

I was sitting at home. It had been a long day at work, the cat was on my lap and Michael Gove was being interviewed by Faisal Islam on Sky News when he said something that has changed everything ever since.

It might have been 1,181 days ago now but I remember it like it was yesterday. Somebody finally had the bravery to say something that was ‘THE TRUTH’. It was only one sentence but its impact was felt all around the world.

In a loud booming voice Mr Gove said: “People in this country have had enough of experts.”

I remember sitting there and thinking to myself ‘wait a minute, I’m a person in this country, which means I’ve had enough of experts – it must be true as Michael Gove  has said it!’.

It’s been nearly three and a half years but Mr Gove has definitely followed his own advice. He has become a legend for not using any experts.

Just look it up on Google and you’ll be able to see about all of the times that he flew his own Boeing 747 aeroplanes to go on holiday, carried out his own gastric bypass after suffering from a liver complaint and, as you can tell, he’s been cutting his own hair for years. 

He even changed the transmission on his own car after it started leaking transmission fluid caused by improperly adjusted shift cables and clutch linkage. Normally the overheating fluid, gear slippage and the dreaded dragging clutch would all require professional attention but not for Mr Gove, who had had enough of experts. No, not for him – as using true blitz spirit he just got on with it proving once and for all that experts are for losers.

(The car has since blown up on an ill-fated trip to Morrisons but that was just one of those things that happens and nothing to do with Mr Gove’s ability to do everything himself, although it did lead to his wife Sarah Vine not being able to file her latest column on time – which was a diatribe against people seeking asylum from warzones where she called them time-wasting grenade dodgers.)

But is there a Briton as toweringly fantastic as Mr Gove? 

Why would we need experts when we have Mr Gove? 

He has even got his political party The Conservatives to follow suit as they fly headlong to a no deal Brexit rightly ignoring anything that anyone who knows what they’re talking about has to say about it being a complete disaster for Britain that will lead to food and medicine shortages in the short term and the break-up of the United Kingdom in the long term.

As the newly installed Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster as part of his ‘knife in the back’ best mate Boris’s cabinet, he is now in charge of making sure that the United Kingdom manages to traverse its way through a No Deal Brexit and true to his word he’s making sure that he, and also the entire country, carries on not listening to any expert advice at all.

In fact anyone who is interviewing for a role as an aide to Michael Gove is instantly dismissed if they reveal any qualifications on their CV. Any A Levels are a complete ‘no-no’ and if you reveal that you have a degree, Mr Gove will get his ‘paddle’ from his Aberdeen University days and will personally march you up and down The Mall shouting his mantra ‘No more experts, no more experts.’

In Gove we trust.

LEAVE A REPLY