The mighty Ocelot has reached 150 and, if anything, is more full of beans than he has ever been. We thought it was about time we dusted off the album and reminded ourselves just what he has achieved over the decades.
1872: This year saw The Ocelot playing a key role in subjugating the Native Americans as part of the Western expansion. He’s not proud of this and rarely talks about it now.
1901: Braving sub-zero temperatures, The Ocelot led numerous expeditions in Antarctic regions where he also coined the phrase ‘Brass Monkeys’ which is now used by scientists to describe extreme low temperatures sufficient to freeze balls off aforementioned Brass Monkeys.
1917: Fuelled by the injustices of society, The Ocelot played a leading role in the Russian revolution and led to the overthrow of the Czar and the promise of a utopian socialist dream where all men, women and felines can live together in collective harmony. It didn’t quite work out, but look, we all make mistakes.
1966: Turning his back on politics, The Ocelot threw himself into the world of professional football, rapidly rising through the ranks of Bassett Rivers Rovers to secure a place on the Legendary England Squad and giving those ruddy Germans a solid working over like they deserve.
1969: As the world watched open mouthed, The Ocelot became the first living creature to set foot on the lunar surface. Gingerly stepping from the ladder, he muttered the imortal phrase: “I was expecting cheese so this grey dust is a bit of a let down if I’m going to be honest.”
1984: Unwilling to turn his back on social injustice, The Ocelot was on the front lines during the Miners’ Strikes as pitworkers vowed to take a stand against the mass closures of mines under Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher ‘The Milk Snatcher’ as she was known.
1984: Shortly after the whole Miners’ Strike hullabaloo, The Ocelot decided to induldge his artistic side, rapidly taught itself to play a variety of instruments to a high standard and went on to release the ground-breaking album Purple Rain which he also produced, because he is that cool.
1994: The Ocelot, inspired by his own incredible life, decided to write, direct and star in a film about a wild cat which plays a pivotal role in various moments in recent history, unwittingly steering the course of event and spreading his influence for the greater good.