Brews & Eats

Christmas Dinner is great, but it does run the risk of being a little humdrum. So how about breaking out of that festive box and mixing it up with a little inspiration from ‘the abroad’ if only to irritate and confuse your xenophobic relatives. Here at The Ocelot, we’ve done the hard work for you - using the popular search engine Google - to bring you five examples of ‘that foreign food’ you may want to deploy this Chrizzletide.

The Australian Barbecue

Let’s first turn to Australia - where our antipodean cousins find themselves basking in soaring temps at this time of the year. So it makes sense then for them to wheel out the barbecue. Why not emulate them? You could be standing outside wearing a balaclava and puffa jacket, fiddling around with flamable liquids, matches and raw meat while your hungry children and invited guests peer at you through the French Doors with puzzled looks on their faces trying to lip read your swear words. Definitely more fun than Buckaroo (which isn’t fun).

Honduran Turkey Tamales

In Honduras, Christmas is taken very seriously. As a mainly Catholic country, they put a religious twist on what is traditionally a celebration of the retail industry, placing great emphasis on praying and singing and whatnot.  Foodwise it’s all about the tamales. Families gather to enjoy these mini parcels of plantain leaves stuffed with chicken, pork, cheese or dried fruit. Try it yourself, it’s a great way to save on washing up. Just encourage your guests to pick up their food using leaves. Any leaves will do (probably).

Dutch Gourmetten

The Dutch like to do things a little differently - including Christmas dinner. Their main festive meal is ‘gourmetten’ which involves your guests sitting around a small stove, each of them with a miniature frying pan. The idea is that everyone drinks wine and chats while attempting to fry things at the same time. Essentially you’re forcing everyone to sort themselves out - it’s a good plan. Presumably everyone then sparks up a doobie, kicks off their clogs and settles down for some eyewateringly graphic pornography.

Midnight Filipino feast

Filipinos celebrate with their main feast at midnight on Christmas Eve with an entire roasted pig or ‘lechon’ cooked over coals decorated by the looks of things with icing or possibly mayonaise. This is served with a ball of cheese coated in red wax and noodles.  If you fancy trying this out, simply start a massive fire in your garden when you come back from the pub on Christmas Eve, chuck a dead pig on top before driving out to the 24-hour Tesco supermarket to pick up an Edam and some noodles. It should be ready to eat at about 3am. Pass the time by loudly singing carols for your neighbours to enjoy.

Portuguese Mediterranean Medley

The Portuguese like to wheel out a ‘feast’ of boiled cabbage, potatoes, chickpeas, and other vegetables on Christmas Eve while they swap presents. If you want to ensure that no one ever wants to come over to yours to celebrate, you can also adopt this tradition by reaching to the back of your fridge and scooping all of those horrid left over bits in little pots onto a tray and slapping it down on the dinner table. It won’t be long before they bugger off and then you can enjoy your mint Matchmakers in peace in front of The Great Escape.