Bassett Rivers Echo – Giant cheques to discontinue as bank discovers that giants are...

THE Bank of Bassett Rivers has announced that it will no longer be issuing giant cheques. Bank manager Melvin Bogtrotter announced the move as part...

Top Holiday Travel Tips

With the summer holidays nearly upon us, it's only prudent to plan your travels well in advance. I've compiled some easy-to-follow tips on how...

Too many chocolate eggs and that’s no yolk

By Jamie Hill I'm not a religious person. Never have been. I'm more of a science kind of guy. That's never stopped me celebrating Jesus's birthday...

Bassett Rivers Echo – New ‘no trainers’ immigration policy for Bassett Rivers

MIGRANTS coming into Bassett Rivers will have to adhere to a strict door policy to gain entry. This comes after a new recruitment drive has...

Gritty Crime Dramas Promise to be More Depressing

All crime dramas that aren’t gritty or depressing are to be dropped from television stations as of this week. Shows like Inspector Morse, Frost and...

Internet to be returned to pre-2004 state

Web developers, including those instrumental with the creation of the internet and World Wide Web have voted unanimously to return the internet to a...

Weak at the knees

By Jamie Hill I can't move my legs properly. In fact there has been some kind of biological revolution wherein they have decided to not...

Encyclopedia Ocelottica – Is lead making us all homicidal maniacs?

Believe it or not, violent crime has fallen over the last 20 years. Despite the older generation insisting that society would be better if youngsters...

The Ocelot Guide to Trolling

Trolls are everywhere at the moment. There’s even a ‘troll-in-chief’ in the form of super troll Donald Trump. In fact Trolls are pretty hot...

Running for my Life – Giving up giving up

In January Ocelot editor Jamie Hill, at an impressive 18 stone of fattiness, announced that he planned to lose three stone in six months...
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