The News Elephant

Dis Brexit ting iz like getting well dull. Every day dere iz more newz dat iz like talkin’ about stuff dat none of us MPz no nuttin’ about. Dey shuld get some intelligent people 2 sort it out like dat Richard Branson guy or dat really clever rat from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtlez. Now da Americanz led by sum guy called Donut Chump ‘av announced dat dey ‘av ‘ad enuff of da rest of da world and r goin’ to put up a massive wall so dat dey can just pretend dere not in when anyone comez to visit to try and sell dem steel or anyting. I ‘av dun da same meself especially when da park wardens ‘av cum round 2 me home, which iz a tent in Hyde Park. I just pretend I’m not in until dey go away. But da Americanz ghostin’ da rest of da world iz like a major deal as all da lot dat wanted Brexit ‘ave kept sayin’ dat Americanz wuld be da one dat we wuld count on to sell all da stuff dat we sell. Me homie P Diddy Ha Ha Hum noz what dis feelz like az he often triez to sell knock-off DVDz at da Stag n iPod pub back in Bassett Riverz but since he got himself barred he’z after havin’ to travel five milez 2 da I Did Her Inn in Market Hinton 2 sell hiz stuff but den dat pub closed down so he iz left with nowhere to sell ‘is DVDz. It’z just like Brexit. So dat leavez da UK not bein’ able 2 sell itz stuff 2 its neighbourz in Europe and now not bein’ able to sell itz stuff 2 America. I’ve only heard of 3 ovva countriez in da world 2 sell stuff to, Africa, Australia and Easter Island and dere all really far away so de’re no good. Da Government shuld maybe just hold dere handz up to Europe n say sorry guyz but can I be back in your gang az dis goin’ it alone ting izn’t really workin’ out. I know it worked for Beyonce when she left da Destinyz Child but da UK iz not as cool as Beyonce and needz to stay wiv Destinyz Child.. I mean Europe. Respect!