MIGRANTS coming into Bassett Rivers will have to adhere to a strict door policy to gain entry.

This comes after a new recruitment drive has seen several of the town’s night club bouncers replacing customs officials.

Tattooed Baz, who used to work in Broken Dreamz Night Club off Bassett Rivers High Street, said: “My new job as the interim head of customs and excise at the Bassett Rivers border isn’t so different to my job at the night club. Except you get a lot less hen parties if you know what I mean!

“My mate Daz says that’s probably because you don’t get many hen parties trying to escape war torn Iraq but he reads the Guardian so what does he know!”

Since the introduction of the new members of staff, entries to Bassett Rivers have been cut by 90% mainly because of the ‘no trainers or sportwear’ policy.

Baz added: “When we first arrived to take over we noticed that they were letting any old sorts in even if they’d not made an effort.

“We had to spend our first few days repeating the mantra ‘You Look Good But You’re Not Right For The Night’ and introducing a strict one-in one-out policy. You’d think that these refugees and economic migrants would get the message and get the iron out to make sure they pass muster but they still show up dishevelled as if they’ve not had a shower in weeks!

“You’d think having made such an effort to get here by risking life and limb with people smugglers crossing deserts and the Mediterranean they would actually put a bit of a lippy on when they finally arrive at our border.

“We’re holding our first Ladies Night on Friday so let’s hope they make a bit more of an effort then!”

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