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An open letter to millennials

The Nerd’s Last Word by Michael Bosley

Dear Millennials,

Who the hell do you think you are? Moaning about the extortionate cost of education that the oldsters didn’t have to pay.

Whining about not being able to afford a house that costs ten to twenty times what you earn.

Where do you get off being so damned privileged?

Spending all your money on rent and the small amount you have left on wholesome activities like city breaks and fitness, instead of frittering it away down the pub on beer and cigarettes like we did.

Look at you! All healthy and glowing, full of optimism and respect for your common man, instead of twisted and bitter with a beer belly and a nose that would put Rudolf to shame. You think you’ve got it all sussed out, don’t you? Wandering around, looking at your phone, not hurting anyone in particular.

Back in 1939 kids like you were fighting wars! Not me though, I spend my days whacked out on crack and Teachers whiskey, driving around in cars powered by leaded fuel and pumping CFC’s into the atmosphere, but that’s not the point.

Some people at some other time in history did something brave so that you could have the freedom that you’re exercising right now.

Sure, us baby boomers were born into a period of unprecedented financial growth, where you had a job for life, 9 to 5, got married at nineteen, had a house by twenty, had kids, then toiled away until you died.

But now you’re not even getting married anymore! Or having kids! Almost as if you’re exercising some kind of free-will to do what you want with your life! Who the bloody hell do you think you are?

Swanning off around the world expanding your mind and learning things. In my day, if you weren’t toiling every single day of the week for forty years being miserable like the rest of us, you were a communist!

You snowflakes don’t know how good you’ve got it! We didn’t have the things you have nowadays, just like our parents didn’t have the things we had in our day or the generations before that.

You all want to start your own companies and do jobs that are “rewarding”, “creative” and “meaningful” instead of just shutting up, letting your dreams die and graft like the rest of us!

I work as a sales manager for a company that makes things I don’t care about, in a windowless office shared with two other people I hate and look how happy I am!

Sure I blame my own failures, poor decisions and insecurities on marginalized sections of society, but who doesn’t nowadays?

Yours sincerely Alan