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A Nerd's Last Word - Your guide to the weekly shop

Our resident, self professed ‘nerd’ Michael Bosley has come up with a handy guide to get your through the drudgery of the weekly shop… but as usual with Mr Bosley, it may have a twist…

1. All supermarkets provide a secret underground car park with valet service. This service can only be used when requested at the customer service counter. Tell them “Roy” sent you.

2. Tesco was founded in 1828 by little Johnny Tesco, an enterprising twelve year old who began his business ventures selling polished chestnuts and pickled gooseberries to weary travellers passing through his industrial hometown of Bleakness-on-Smog.

3. A little known clause in Sainsbury’s property lease states that should a baby happen to be born in one of its stores, the child becomes the property of Sainsbury’s and will be listed as an asset.

4. The barcode scanners used at checkouts are purely there for show. They elicit a beep that prompts the cashier to key in the correct prices, all of which they must memorise during training.

5. Asda have been printing haikus on the backs of the price labels found on the shelves. They can only be found on a few of the labels, so those looking for them may have to remove a few before they discover one.

6. Children have never been welcome in Waitrose since its first store opened in 1912; however, many managers ignore this rule as they find confronting customers to be rude.

7. Wobbly wheels on shopping trolleys are intentionally fitted to test the resolve and character of their customers. Those who make it to the checkout without exchanging their trolley win a store voucher and a tin of ham.

8. Club card schemes like those operated by Tesco are directly linked to GCHQ headquarters in order to monitor suspicious purchases. Those customers purchasing more than three jars of Nutella or a bottle of conditioner without shampoo for example, will be reported and have their homes searched as they will most likely be terrorists.

9. Those who begin their shop from the back of the store and work their way to the front are scientifically more likely to catch a cold or illness as a result.

10. Picking up a shopping basket with another one stuck to it is seen as a good omen in eastern nations. Such an event is usually followed by three days of feasting and street parties.

11. In 1982, James Walker from Norwich became the first person to use a trolley with a pound coin lock. However, because the pound coin didn’t exist yet, it had to be introduced as currency shortly afterward.

12. Before deli counters, customers were expected to catch and kill animals which were released into the aisles of the store. Sainsbury’s didn’t think this was practical, safe or efficient for modern shoppers and subsequently introduced “Pre-Killed” counters to their stores. However, the name “Pre-Killed” didn’t stick and became “Deli” counters as we know them today.