By Jamie Hill
Excuses for a fat person in denial #890 - I'm not fat I'm just four feet too short.
I really believe that the SI unit of flatulence should be a 'sprout'. In fact I'm going to write to everybody that I know in the scientific establishment to make this official. The fact that I don't know anyone in the scientific establishment is neither here nor there.
If this was so, I was probably travelling at 30 sprouts per hour on my run today. I was actually being powered by sprouts.
This diet, which consists of lots of low calorie veg including lots of sprouts, has got that one significant side effect when it comes to flatulence. I think my wife will definitely be happier when it's over.
When I'm running it's very lucky that no-one is behind me as they might not be able to survive 30 sprouts an hour in the backwind.
I've found sprouts to be very helpful during these 28 days though. They're actually quite filling and feel substantial but at the same time have bugger all calories. Bonus.
The other thing that I found useful yesterday was root canal. Sprouts and root canal. That's an unusual combination. I'll explain in a minute.
Anyway I upped the ante today on my run across the common to six kilometres. This is in preparation for my not quite marathon 10 kilometres on Saturday, which is a prospect I'm not looking forward to in the slightest.
I found it quite hard going today with the extra kilometre. By the end I was exhausted. I think it doesn't help that the fields towards Rockley are a bit hilly. Alright they're quite gentle inclines but you definitely feel it.
Anyway, I did it. Friday's run will be just a five kilometre one as I don't want to wear myself out before my Mo Farah special the next day.
Right yesterday my fasting day was helped immensely by root canal. Yep, after my lunch which consisted of a low calorie Weighwatcher beef hotpot and a pile of veg including loads of the aforementioned 'sprouts', I went to the dentist for root canal.
My teeth, like my body, aren't in the best state. Years of smoking and drinking fat Coke have taken their toll.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than being forced to hold your mouth open for forty five minutes whilst a dentist pokes around with lots of buzzing implements.
Actually scratch that as there is something more uncomfortable than that.
I'l start again. There's nothing more uncomfortable than being forced to hold your mouth open for forty five minutes whilst a dentist pokes around with lots of buzzing implements.... whilst trying to hold in a constant stream of farts because you've eaten too many sprouts at lunchtime.
That's better. It was excruciating. At any moment I thought I would unleash a barrage of at least 10 sprouts an hour whilst I was in the dentist's chair.
But having root canal had one very, very significant side effect. It took my hunger away. For the afternoon I wasn't hungry. I think it was because I knew that I couldn't eat even if I wanted to as my mouth was in no fit state for being used in that manner.
Alright, I couldn't speak also but the fact that I couldn't eat was brilliant. By the time the anaesthetic wore off it was dinner time. So I managed to keep to my 1000 calorie limit in a relatively pain-free way. Brilliant.
If only there had been a way of organising root canal for each of my fasting days during this challenge. Then it would have been a piece of piss!
Right only two days left of this ridiculous challenge and then it's my big 10,000 metre run which is looming like a big loomy thing.
For previous blogs and for the rules of the challenge visit http://www.theocelot.co.uk