By Jamie Hill
Fat Joke #45 - I'm so fat that when I jump for joy I cause an earthquake in Australia.
It's another fasting day today. I'm only allowed a maximum of 1,000 calories for the next 24 hours.
I'm currently eating blue Alpen. It seems to be the only thing that keeps the hunger pangs at bay until lunchtime when I can have a low calorie weightwatchers meal and a whole heap of veg.
Losing weight, I've decided, is pretty damn hard. You've got to be disciplined all the time and never give in to temptation.
We went shopping yesterday and the array of temptation on the supermarket shelves is just too much to bear.
It would be so easy to just say 'bugger it' and grab a few chocolate bars and doughnuts from the bakery section and then drown myself in a half an hour binge of sugary goodness.
That would be wonderful. It makes me sad to think that I've abused my body to such an extent that I can no longer indulge in the pure pleasure of letting myself go into a foody goodness frenzy.
I don't understand why people think that all fat people are 'jolly'. We've got Chris Farley, Santa Clause and John Candy to thank for perpetuating that myth. Two of them are now dead through early heart attacks and one of them is so lazy that he only works one day a year.
Fat people aren't 'jolly'. Most of them are depressed by their weight. We smile and try and make the best of it. But inside we're aware that people automatically judge us and it makes us hate ourselves.
Most of us are aware that, at heart, it's our own fault and that we're our own worst enemies.
But it's not totally our fault. Some of us will always have a propensity to put on more weight than others even if we eat less than the skinny person next to us. It's bloody unfair science.
One thing that I've noticed is that it's never alright for someone to say a woman is 'fat' but it's totally fine for anyone and everyone to say that a man is 'fat'.
There was a bloke the other day who made a fat joke at my expense. He's quite skinny so he's allowed to in a way. But his girlfriend sitting next to him, who didn't bat any eyelid, is obese. I mean really fat. I also know that she's incredibly sensitive about her weight. I just thought it was double standards on her and his part as I know he would fly off the handle if someone called his girlfriend 'fat'.
I wasn't insulted by this (well, I was a bit) as I know that I'm 'fat'. I'm not hiding away from it by not letting anyone utter the word 'fat' in my direction as if this kind of self-censorship works. With that logic if no-one says I'm 'fat' then I'm not 'fat'. It's the emperor's new clothes kind of logic.
Here's what I think - people have got to stop using the word 'fat' as an insult and 'fat' people have got to stop being so bloody sensitive.
The only way for the jokes to stop is if you actually do something about it. By hiding away from the fact that you are 'fat' in the first place by getting insulted whenever someone utters this 'statement of fact' is not going to do you or anyone any good.
Then again if you're a 'fat' person and you don't care about being 'fat' then that's fair enough and entirely up to you. I, for one, won't judge you for that. But if you're 'fat' and unhappy about being 'fat'. Then for God's sake do something about it as you're only making yourself miserable.
I've only got a few days of this challenge left. I hope I've changed a few of my unhealthy routines like the snacking during the course of the 28 Days. It seems easier to stick to when I'm writing a blog about it as I know I'm going to have to face the music with you lot for every indulgence. The real test for me on the 'no snacking' front will be if I'm able to continue that rule after this challenge's end.
Right only three days to go until my bloody ridiculous 10,000 metre challenge.
For previous entries and for the rules of the challenge visit http://www.theocelot.co.uk