By Jamie Hill
Yo Mama Fat Joke #733 - Yo mama is so fat.... she had a heart attack and died.
I love jokes like that where the normal punchline is completely turned on its head. Here's another....
A horse walks into a bar.
The Barman says: "Why the long face?"
The horse says: "Because I've got cancer."
Right, keeping on the joke theme, my run was a bit of a joke this morning. I had planned to reconnoitre a route for my 10,000 metre Mo Farah style climax in two weeks time.
My plan was simple - The Cycle Track from Marlborough to Swindon. That's perfect. It should be flat and I can run five kilometres in one direction and then five back. Great.
So, I made my way to the cycle track which is incidentally 1.4 kilometres away from my house on the Marlborough road to Mildenhall (weirdly pronounced Minal). I started running down it. It seemed alright then I turned a corner after about 500 metres and I had a massive steep hill to climb. This was not in the brochure. And then after a further kilometre having gone up and down a few more inclines the cycle track suddenly spat me out into a housing estate.
This was a bit odd. I thought I must be in the next village along to Marlborough or something. Ogbourne St Andrew. But I then noticed how familiar it looked. And then I noticed the road name - 'Five Stiles Road'. Basically, my barely functioning brain was able to work out that I was in fact on the other side of Marlborough from where I live. I had gone down the cycle track in the wrong direction and was a complete and utter pillock. I've got the sense of direction of a small child.
The rest of my run took me through Marlborough and back up the hill to the common to my house. I still ran five kilometres but had completely wasted my reconnoitre.
I'm beginning to have misgivings about using the cycle track anyway especially because of all the hills. I hate hills. They're bloody horrible. It's hard enough to keep going as it is without nature throwing a massive nearly vertical slope in front of you.
So, my next recce will have to wait until next Saturday when I'll definitely go down the cycle track in the right direction (or left direction as it should have been). Still, at least I still did the five kilometres. I think my legs are going to hurt more than normal though because of the bloody hills.
Tomorrow's my weekly weigh-in. I don't think I've lost any weight at all so I'm expecting the scales to depress me completely. There's part of me that wants to skip the weigh-in as I just know it's going to demotivate me. Anyway we'll have to wait and see.
Right, here's another joke to see you lot off on a Saturday morning. This one I nicked from an old school friend called Luke Coleman.
What do you get if you cross The Queen and Prince Charles?
Killed in a tunnel.
I'll leave you with that.
Only 13 Days to go until I do my 10,000 metre run!
For the rules of the challenge and to see previous entries visit http://www.theocelot.co.uk