By Jamie Hill
You know you're fat when ...... you look at Meat Loaf with envy.
I'm being stalked by a Star Wars character. That's right, on my run this morning I encountered another jogger who looked uncannily like a character called Lobot. You know Lobot, he's Lando Calrissian's mate with the bald head and the big headphones who lives in Cloud City. You know, from the second film The Empire Strikes Back? The second film that's actually the fifth film?
I'm not a geek. Honest.
He seemed to arrive on the common at the same time as me and then weirdly we managed to keep pace with each other. At one point I let him get ahead but he was going too slow for me so I overtook him but then he kept up with me again.
I hate having other people watch me whilst I'm running. For me running's always about rhythm. If any of you has ever seen me dance, you will know that I don't have any rhythm. Having someone keeping up with me made me very aware of my rhythm. So much so that I felt I was completely out of step.
At one point we looked across at each other, evaluating each other as we ran. There's me, wearing a T-shirt with Gonzo the Muppet on it and nearly stumbling because I'm completely out of rhythm. And then there's him. Bald head. Big headphones. Little realising he looks like a Star Wars character. He's running with confidence. Bastard.
After about one kilometre of this I decided enough was enough and went ahead of him again. I could sense him still behind me as I went down The Slippery Slope (a point at the end of the common that leads to the fields towards Rockley). I couldn't hear him because I was listening to music through headphones myself at full volume.
So when I got to the halfway point at two kilometres where I turn round to head back home I was expecting him to be on my heels. He was nowhere in sight. I'd probably been running uncomfortably for ages thinking there was someone running directly behind me when there was no-one there. If there was anyone else there I would have felt a bit stupid.
I found the run very hard this morning. I must admit, I was distracted for the first half by Lobot, so that seemed to fly by. Thank you, Lobot. But the second half was hell.
Stitch seemed intent on making me think I was having a heart attack and it just seemed to go on forever. This running lark doesn't seem to be getting any easier.
Maybe, it's because I ate hardly anything the day before because it was my 'fasting' day where I only ate 1,000 calories during the whole 24 hour period.
Somehow, despite having a constantly rumbling belly, I survived the 'fasting' day but I think it left me with no energy for this morning's run.
Still I did it. And according to my Nike + app, I burnt off 437 calories. Which is nice.
Tomorrow I've got to do another run and I'm going to try and do five kilometres for the first time. That should be pleasant.
For the rules of the 28 Days of Pain challenge and for previous entries check out the website http://www.theocelot.co.uk
I'm now a quarter of the way through the challenge having completed the first seven days. I've now only got 21 days left before I have to undertake the 10,000 metre Mo-Farah-esque run at the end.