Anyone who is anyone should celebrate St Patrick's Day at Bushwackers in Swindon on Wednesday 17th March.
There'll even be live music from Jamie and The First Class from 6pm and their chefs will be cooking up a traditional Irish Buffet and there will also be Guinness on tap at £1.95 all day.
Bushwackers, which only opened in the Autumn, has fast become one of Swindon's most popular nights out. It is found on Fleet Street next to the Sir Daniels.

Reading like a lazily arranged sample from the contacts list of Pier's chums in the ITV media, 'Piers Morgan's Life Stories' is the absolute epitome of smarmy. It's a solid ingot of 24 karat smarm. So pure is it's smarmy content, you'd have to carry said ingot on a heavily counterweighted fork-lift for fear of it tipping under the sheer heft of smarm there is on show.

It is, basically, a show about Piers Morgan, for Piers Morgan. A man who is about as charismatic and likeable as a gravel-peppered piece of chewing gum on the bottom of your brand new Etnies. So we're not expecting the next Parky here, that's for sure. In fact, with every syllable that flops out of Piers' grinning gob, your vision tunnels further into a dark, focussed funnel of hatred, like the intro scene of a James Bond film, except it's Piers Morgan at the end of it and sadly, it's not the barrel of a gun.

This unashamed public display of arse licking first aired last year and so far we've had pretty much everyone Piers works with on the X-Factor as well as many other 'celebs' under the ITV payroll. This year's series started off with a Gordon Brown special, which, sadly, but rather predictably, scored fewer ratings than many of the other episodes, including both of Katie Price's appearances. This was followed by a brown nosing therapy session with Simon Cowell who confessed among other equally touching subjects, his excellent performance in the sack and his dislike for listening to and understanding the lyrics in songs. That'll more than likely explain the unemotive, warbling mulch he's been churning out to an ever obedient public for the past decade. He further goes on to tell his presenter and confidante the heart wrenching story of how he is always given iPod's but can never work out how to use them. Stirring stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

Oh Simon! How my heart bleeds for you! All these years I thought of you as the grinning, evil puppet master responsible for the public's musical standard taking a nose-dive into mediocrity. But now I see how complex and multilayered you really are. From your jet-black block of over-groomed hair to the tips of your uninteresting and equally black shoes, you are nothing short of a modern day martyr, struggling through adversity and the trials and tribulations of your difficult life to make the world just that little bit better for us all.

Needless to say, the whole show plays out like the Charlie Chaplain sketch where he thinks he's looking in the mirror but actually turns out to be looking at someone else mimicking his actions. Piers and Simon grin furtively at each other with the glint of an amorous lover. You expect them to start slowly rubbing a shoe-less foot up each others leg at any moment before eventually giving in to the underlying lust and going for a full-on make-out session live on air.

The whole thing is about as comfortable to watch as an instructional sex tape featuring the marital congress between Alistair Campbell, his wife and a dirty talking black midget called Dwayne; which, as it happens is available in all participating branches of Blockbuster Video.

Right, we held a collection for The Ocelot Charity of the Year, The Prospect Hospice, at last month’s comedy night and we managed to raise £82.01.
That’s bloody good from a free night. We’ll probably hold another collection at the March comedy night.
This month The Ocelot Comedy Night will be held at 12 Bar in Westcott Place in Swindon on Tuesday March 16.
You know the score by now, the free night consists of three comedians and a compere, which is a bargain for your no money.
Doors open at 8pm with the night starting at 9pm, but get there early to get a seat as it’s packed every time.

Respect to da internet readin' blog luvvin' massive. Dis iz Bane 'Drive-by' Bullet comin' at ya with a bang geddin down wiv da beat and lissenin' to some toooonnneees!!!
Anyway, ai iz a bit upset at da moment as I went to a muzeum da other day and I wuz treated like some kind a terrorist. Dey treated me just like dat Obama Bin Lada bloke and searched me and everytink.
I only wanted to see da dead dinosaurz in London innit! But dis bloke searched me bag, confiscated me WKDs and den patted me down as if I had just done a drive-by. I told im to stop touching me up innit, but he said he had to check everyone coz of terroristz. Luckily I had accidentally left me knife at home after I used it to spread me butter on me toast dat morning with some lovely marmite. I love marmite. It iz great innit!
Anyway, I told dis security guard dat I would pop a cap in his ass if he continued to search me, and he ended up gettin' his mates around and dey took me off to a private room, where dey gave me a full cavity search which was bloody brilliant. I liked it so much I queued up again, tellin' dem I had a bomb dis time and dey did it again. After the fifth time dey just told me to piss off, which wuz a bit rude.
Respect!

Every morning like many other commuters I haul myself onto a carriage and use the rail network to get myself into work.
I like travelling by train. Ignoring the delays and cancellations it gets me to where I want to go quickly and I can read, relax or catch up on work. Also in these days of sustainability it scores lots of green points for when you argue with a vegan.

However the train is a breeding ground for idiots, who seem hellbent on making the journey hellish for everyone else. These nincompoops should be publicly humiliated for making commuting life more painful…